Grown Up Trapped in a College Kid Body

For years, I have had people tell me that I am mature for my age. In high school, my teachers and peers relied on me as the responsible student. My family always treated me like an adult in conversation and decision-making. My friends would always get permission from their parents to go somewhere by saying, "Well, Hannah is going." It was all very flattering while I was in high school. It made me want to be a responsible, mature teenager. Now that I am in college, it isn't such a great attribute. My experience so far has been that the college age group, at least the majority I have met, expects and welcomes immaturity. Late night partying, great, even during the week. Hangovers are so funny and are the mark of a true, cool college student. Being broke and spending that last dollar to go to a bar is absolutely acceptable. Being as loud and attention-seeking as posssible is always funny. This is just a few examples. Now, I do think that it is important to have a social life, and I love to have fun. I guess my idea of fun is just much different than that of my peers. I like to relax when I get the chance because I am always stressed about school stuff. I like movies and music and board games. I like a glass of wine and a calorie fest of pizza and chocolate. I like to spend time with my family and friends and have some good laughs around a bonfire. I am just not one for the party/bar/club scene. I have tried to be a party girl, but I actually hate it. I hate the crowd stepping on your toes and spilling drinks all over you. I don't like the mess that's left to clean. I don't like the headache the next day. I have had some fun times with my friends, don't get me wrong. But it just isn't my preference, by far. I mostly had fun just because of the people I was with. Now, I know that is considered weird and uncool to some people, and even boring. But I am no stranger to chosing the path less traveled. What concerns me is the lack of friends that I have acquired while at college. I still keep up with a few friends from high school, but I live hours away from them now. And sometimes a girl just needs a friend. I have a couple of friends, but they love the party scene, which is fine by me. I am not judging them for that, it is just hard to spend time with someone when you can only say no so many ways before they eventually stop inviting you. I feel like I have nothing in common with the people of my age group. I am sure there is someone else like me out there, but it is rather difficult for two loners to find each other. Another thing that upsets me is that I feel like I should be partying with my peers. This is my chance to have guilt free fun partying and being loud and crazy. I just can't shake the feeling of discomfort in those situations though. I have a theory that my biggest problem is that I am over this college thing. I am so ready to have a career. It's sad to say, but I feel like my life hasn't really started yet. And maybe a lot of it has to with the wedding fever I have caught after being with a great guy for seven years and seeing all of my friends get married and start their families. I know I need to be enjoying this time. I don't want to look back and say, "What if" or "Should've, Could've, Would've." I think this is another case of maturity for me; story of my life.