All Work, No Pay

Here I sit, staring at the financial report for this upcoming summer semester and next year's fall and spring semesters, trying to imagine how I am going to come up with a few more thousand dollars. I must say, first of all, that college costs way too much money. It's as simple as that. I don't mind paying for a service that is going to help me have a great future in a career field that I know I will love. However, I do mind having to beg and borrow for money when I know I am a top student that should be on scholarship. I worked my butt off in high school. I made straight A's (and two B's-chemistry and physics... with the same teacher...), was President or Vice President of every club except maybe two the school offered, was editor of the year book, class president junior and senior year, and valedictorian. I got my two years at a community college paid for because of this hard work, which I am most certainly grateful for. But then, I transfer to a university and I'm told that all they can offer me is a $1,000 transfer scholarship. So after 4 years and a GPA of 3.97 in high school and two years with a 4.0 GPA at community college, all I can have is $1,000. Well thank you so very much for all of the help. So, I find other ways to pay for school and books and rent for the first two years at the university. And yes, two years should have brought me a bachelor's, but no. I chose the longest program at the school, a double major in secondary general science education and biology. Of course, that was my decision, and I am happy with it because I am really looking forward to teaching science. I was just unaware that it would take me 5 and a half years to complete my bachelor's degree. But I am here now, in my fourth year, with a year and a half left. No turning back now. As a Senior, I have applied for the Teacher Education Program and have been unofficially accepted until a few more weeks when they will have this big fancy meeting to tell you if you meet the requirements, which I think I have considering I have a 4.0 GPA (with the exception of Organic Chemistry which I do not even count anymore). While I am trying to be a patient, cooperative piece of their unorganized, expensive game, I was unaware just how hard it would be to get scholarships for the education program. You see, they offer scholarships to incoming freshmen and seniors who have been accepted in to their program, which they call "candidacy". Since I transfered here and was not a freshman, I got the $1,000 transfer scholarship and had to wait my turn for the senior scholarships. I have gathered 8 scholarship applications that I was eligible for. Then, I started to fill them out, which is a very confusing, tedious process, and found that they want you to not only have good grades and have completed a whopping 90 hours of classes, they also want you to have been involved with organizations that will help your future as a teacher. This is understandable for someone who has time for a life, but I take 15-17 hours of classes each semester. I have tried to join two different biology and education organizations, but I have been told that I cannot join because their meeting times have been during my classes every semester.I am in an honor society, but that's it. So again, all of my hard work may be for nothing. I am still holding on to the hope that they will overlook my lack of extracurricular activities. In the meantime, I am looking for ways to join the organizations next year. I know it is important not only for application credentials but also just to be able to socialize with people that share your interests. But I don't make the schedules. I hope my grades and my writing skills will help me convince them that I am a hard working, eager student in love with my field of study and excited about the knowledge and experience that I am gaining from this fine institution of learning, which makes me worthy of the scholarship. Well, that was pretty convincing, right?

Grown Up Trapped in a College Kid Body

For years, I have had people tell me that I am mature for my age. In high school, my teachers and peers relied on me as the responsible student. My family always treated me like an adult in conversation and decision-making. My friends would always get permission from their parents to go somewhere by saying, "Well, Hannah is going." It was all very flattering while I was in high school. It made me want to be a responsible, mature teenager. Now that I am in college, it isn't such a great attribute. My experience so far has been that the college age group, at least the majority I have met, expects and welcomes immaturity. Late night partying, great, even during the week. Hangovers are so funny and are the mark of a true, cool college student. Being broke and spending that last dollar to go to a bar is absolutely acceptable. Being as loud and attention-seeking as posssible is always funny. This is just a few examples. Now, I do think that it is important to have a social life, and I love to have fun. I guess my idea of fun is just much different than that of my peers. I like to relax when I get the chance because I am always stressed about school stuff. I like movies and music and board games. I like a glass of wine and a calorie fest of pizza and chocolate. I like to spend time with my family and friends and have some good laughs around a bonfire. I am just not one for the party/bar/club scene. I have tried to be a party girl, but I actually hate it. I hate the crowd stepping on your toes and spilling drinks all over you. I don't like the mess that's left to clean. I don't like the headache the next day. I have had some fun times with my friends, don't get me wrong. But it just isn't my preference, by far. I mostly had fun just because of the people I was with. Now, I know that is considered weird and uncool to some people, and even boring. But I am no stranger to chosing the path less traveled. What concerns me is the lack of friends that I have acquired while at college. I still keep up with a few friends from high school, but I live hours away from them now. And sometimes a girl just needs a friend. I have a couple of friends, but they love the party scene, which is fine by me. I am not judging them for that, it is just hard to spend time with someone when you can only say no so many ways before they eventually stop inviting you. I feel like I have nothing in common with the people of my age group. I am sure there is someone else like me out there, but it is rather difficult for two loners to find each other. Another thing that upsets me is that I feel like I should be partying with my peers. This is my chance to have guilt free fun partying and being loud and crazy. I just can't shake the feeling of discomfort in those situations though. I have a theory that my biggest problem is that I am over this college thing. I am so ready to have a career. It's sad to say, but I feel like my life hasn't really started yet. And maybe a lot of it has to with the wedding fever I have caught after being with a great guy for seven years and seeing all of my friends get married and start their families. I know I need to be enjoying this time. I don't want to look back and say, "What if" or "Should've, Could've, Would've." I think this is another case of maturity for me; story of my life.

The Introduction to My Blog

I am quite an opinionated person, especially when it comes to education. As a student studying education, the more I learn, the more opinionated I get. I started this blog to share my struggles, ideas, and opinions of the world of college, or maybe just this age range, that I have experienced. I know that I am no expert, but I am a seasoned student (in my 4th year of college right now) and have come across a few good things and I few bad things about college, about high school, about boys, about girls, about life. This is not just a blog about college. It is a collection of my experiences that I thought I would share to vent and to hopefully help or inspire others out there. Sometimes it will be about school, sometimes about family and friends, sometimes about love, sometimes about defeat or success, and sometimes it may just seem pointless. And maybe sometimes it could be entertaining. As a first time blogger, I am letting go of expectations and just going with it. The way I see it, if it makes one person laugh, cry, or think then I have accomplished my goal.